To whoever might care,
Itís funny. All of this. One big joke, really.
For years I lived just because I could and should. I took a lot of crap and dished out my fair share. Somewhere along the line though, things got rough. Things changed. The people I loved stopped being so easy to love. It was hard to look at them and feel close. I figure when something like that happens, you know youíre pretty much fucked. It hurts so bad to realize it, more than anything in the world. The fact that I canít change it makes me sick.
I lived life day to day. I dug as deep as I possibly could to find the positives, I tried to get to know people who would make this more tolerable, and for a while they did, you all did, and it means the world to me. But nothing lasts.
I wasnít built to last. Simple as that.
To wake up everyday and feel empty is the scariest thing I know. To drag yourself out of bed and look blindly ahead scares the hell out of me. Itís not like I want to know the future. Itís the fact that I wake up feeling this way for a reason. Because out there, somewhere is something better; A better me, a better you and a tomorrow where everything is perfect. I swear to god I looked for it. I searched inside of me every fucking day for a way to find it, but itís like a maze in here. Broken feelings, second guesses and promises that seem to mean nothing.
I lost hope.
It got so bad that I used to pray to a fake god I donít even believe in.
Some people get things in life very easily, others have to fight a very hard fight with themselves just to be able to keep their head up. My head has been down for too long.
I am so sorry to all of you for the person Iíve become. Sooner or later weíll meet again. Maybe then Iíll be the person I always wanted- you always wanted. Maybe then Iíll see you in a happier form. Weíll be all smiles, each and every one of us, in a place far from here.
Written and owned by Dan Chubaty